What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 05:06
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I never cut or harmed myself..
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Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Especially a lifetime of it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Are narcissists happy people generally?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
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Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Are you more of a butt guy or a boob guy?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
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He knew the spot.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
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The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I waited trembling.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Do Flat Earthers exist today? If so, where do they live?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
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As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I will be 64.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
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But it wasn’t much.
But ive been too sick for many years..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
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Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I couldn’t, believe it.
She married twice! .
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I was scared of men, in general
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I always feel very tired after I do some exercises, even after a night's sleep. What's the problem?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was 9 years of age.
What did i know ?
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She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We were not on the streets..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She loved him until the end.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was very sick at this time too.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Was to survive, this bastard.
My family never makes their pension either.
I was seconnd youngest,
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
It was going to be , some day.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I don,t even have a pension.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I think the readers, may guess!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
So whats the point in blame.
Comes on , in middle age.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Ive learnt so much.
All the time i was locked up.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Who then, do I blame.?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
This is soul school!.
My life is so biszare .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I could never make a relationship work though!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And i lived it daily.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
When she asked me how she looked .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She was in good health!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She found it foreign!.
I have no regrets .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One cannot live in the past .
We all went to grammer schools
Put me off passion for life!!
So, i spoilt her more .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I write beautiful poetry .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im still living with it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I said to her
But, we were locked up after school.
Would this be the day?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She wouldn,t have been !
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.